Triggers.. This post will contain triggers for some please be advised..

Yesterday I felt like if I could just feel my best, the best I ever been, I would want to preserve that image forever. You know, freeze it in time. Age no more. That be the last memory. (You following me??) We with Mental Health illness we have many days like that… The pain I felt made me want to go back to an old thing I used to do. Cutting. Bulimia. (It’s terrible, gave me about 5 cavities by the way) Or abuse alcohol. But I told myself if we can get through this day, if we can just push through then you can make it to another and better day. Too many times we are afraid to be honest. We don’t think it sounds right. But it’s not about right it’s about Truth. And the truth is I am human I have flaws. And I have Mental Health illness I am sick. Those can come out at any moment in any way. But if I can see it coming, I can learn from it. I can help others. I don’t know what your going through, who is there with you or who isn’t. Just know that I know how all of that feels. I know how it feels to only have ONE thing to motivate you to do better and that is you! I know how it feels to live an isolated life. It’s love out there. Look into yourself for those things. I hear voices (I can’t help that) but when I do I try to laugh. Smile. Hey if they are not going to go anywhere might as well turn them into something positive. This is a scary journey for me because it’s coupled with my own self image, views on the world and others view of myself. But when I say FUX, I don’t mean whatever. When I say FUX I don’t mean I don’t hear you. When I say FUX I mean, FUX what I think about me. FUX what I think I should be doing. FUX what I feel is inadequate. You see this movement, no matter how small. (One as of right now, but who’s counting) Saying FUX isn’t saying FUX YOU. It’s saying FUX to ME! FUX to what makes me feel small. If we with Mental Health illness begin and end this battle with US we would be surprised how much Stigma we will kill.


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