Just have one, one drink can’t hurt….

That’s what I used to tell myself. But I knew I could NEVER only have one drink. About 7 years ago on my journey I went to speak with a counselor. For some odd reason she decided to speak with me about my alcohol consumption… I had the slightest idea why she wanted to talk about that when I was at my visit for Bipolar Disorder… (I hope you’re smiling inside) Well, she asked me how many drinks I consume a day.. I thought about it and said ‘4-5, glasses of wine or a cocktail’. She said ‘A day’. I looked at her strangley and said ‘yes, but that’s not alot’. Trust me I didn’t see where she was going with all of this. So she said to me, ‘you have an alcohol problem’. I told her ‘No, I don’t, and thank you’. She offered me an AA invite and I graciously declined. I wouldn’t realize until years later, that I was an Alcohol Abuser. I didn’t understand my illness back then so I would use alcohol as a form of treatment. To help take the edge off {anxiety}. To help calm my mind {phycosis} . But the drinking made it worse. To sum up a long history of alcohol abuse in a quick synopsis. I was going through a period of Mania and decided I wanted to have a drink to ease the racing thoughts. Well, let’s just say that’s the night that part of me died. I woke up with bruises all over my body and aches everywhere. I had and still have no memory of all events that happened that night. This is what was told to me. We were having a gathering and someone said something to me that triggered a feeling and that was it! I was hysterical and decided I wanted to go home after balling profusely for about 45 minutes. On the way home I almost  jumped out of the moving car, caused the driver to stop in the middle of flowing traffic and to top it off, I made them drag me into my house while I yelled ‘Kill me’ through the hallway and then got into a physical altercation…. Yea I know what you’re thinking.. That sounds crazy! I woke up thinking how did I get here? I really hope I didn’t hurt anyone? What will I find when I walk into my living room? The night can only be described in a lonley dark Horror movie. And I don’t know why but in this film the Villian didn’t die in the end but I was SO GLAD! It gave me the second chance I needed. I still cringe at the memory of that night. Almost 3 years ago is when I knew the next time wouldn’t be so lucky. Unfortunately since then I have had Manic episodes, but was able to come down quicker and without the alcohol there is no force from anger and aggression. Now when I hear, ‘just one, one drink can’t hurt.’ I look around, drop what I’m doing, say FUXMENTALHEALTH and run.


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